Too Afraid to Fall
by Vreme
Summary: Modern!AU, eventual Elsanna, is incest. "And in all honesty, I hated myself for loving her. She was my sister, not just a friend, but my little sister. It was wrong, but felt so right."
1. AMSH

**DISCLAIMER: I DO NOT OWN FROZEN**

**TRIGGER WARNING: CONTAINS MENTIONS OF A SUICIDE ATTEMPT**

"A dim light flashed over me, and a horrified gasp escaped a worried woman's lips. The sound , of a flashlight dropping echoed throughout the garage in which my frail body resided. My poor,unfortunate mother pulled out her phone and dialed 911, obviously at the verge of tears if you were paying attention to her meek voice. I, barely conscious, began to lift myself up, but collapsed again after about one centimeter. Pain flourished in my abdomen, I could tell vomit was everywhere, and as I clenched my hand, it was the last thing I felt before I slipped out of mental awareness."

I read the paragraph written on my sheet of paper that most patients at the Arendelle Mental Safety Home, or AMSH, recevied to fill out before they were admitted or after they got the news they were being released.

I personally believed 'Arendelle Mental Safety Home' sounded a bit like an insane asylum, but I never complained. It was a "mental health facility to make sure people would be safe, and along the way receive some therapy, both in a group or just with one of the doctors," according to most of the staff members that worked there.

But nonetheless, I was worried about returning home. I didn't like it there by any means, but I had been a residential patient(they, instead of having a one to two week stay, have a one to three month stay), so I had been there for about two months. I was used to the routine of the place and the support of the other patients. I wasn't used to not hearing her knock on my door to try to bond with me, though. Not being pestered by my beloved sister, Anna.

Honestly, she was a reason I was there. She didn't do anything wrong by any means,though. "Unless you consider being the most love-able girl on Earth a crime." I was madly in love with her, but how could I not be? She was beautiful, kind, fun-loving, and would always be there for me if I needed her. I obviously didn't deserve someone like her in my life. And in all honesty, I hated myself for loving her. She was my sister, not just a friend, but my little sister. It was wrong, but felt so right. I promised her I wouldn't go back to AMSH again, so I was expecting her to be furious with me the moment I saw her.

"Okay, Elsa. Your parents are already here, so we hurried and gathered your things for you. I'll escort you out myself," my doctor said calmly. I didn't object, I just stood and walked into the hallway. My shoeless feet(shoes were prohibited because we might hit someone with them or something) made very light noises, and I looked at the walls. They were a bleak white, with a few nature-themed pictures littering the wall. I never paid much attention to how beautiful some of the pictures were, one especially of a sunset in the dead of winter. The light glimmered on the soft snow and ice that crossed the ground. I loved snow and ice.

As we entered the day room, a small section once you entered the unit where most of the patients spent there free time, a tall,fair man, about my age(20), glared at me with envy. "Yes, I am going home, Hans," I stated simply. He just scowled and turned around, facing the television once more. The doctor unlocked the door and I slowly moved my way out.

I stared at the ground as we left the deepest part within the building, and we passed the children and adolescent units, both of which I had experienced being in. This was probably my sixth time here, but the first time in which I resided in the adult unit. The adult unit had more visitation rights and such, but frankly, I had told my family not to visit. I knew that they'd bombard me with questions on why I was still depressed after all the therapy, why I was still depressed even though the bullies at school could no longer bother me. I didn't want that at all. I didn't want to admit to myself, much less anyone, that most of the pain rooted from the fluttering feeling in my chest whenever she hugged me, or kissed me on the cheek.

Suddenly, I felt the cold. I was outside for the first time in two months, and it was about a week before Christmas, so the weather here wasn't the most pleasant to many. Truthfully, I loved the cold. It wasn't annoying or made you stink like the heat did.

"Elsa!" I heard someone shout, and before I even could look up I felt arms wrapped around my neck, pulling me down a bit. A kiss on the cheek was given as well, and I knew it was from her, from Anna. She was supposed to be angry. For the first time in forever, I stared into those beautiful orbs many called eyes. For the first time in forever, touching her wasn't just a dream. Anna was there, and I wanted to stay in her embrace forever, but I pulled away, giving her a light,reassuring smile.

My parents walked up as well, a pat on the back from my father and a hug from my mother. "Let's...go home," I said. I looked to my doctor, who handed my father a few papers. Anna grasped my arm lightly, and directed me to the car.

"Are things any better?" I heard Anna ask in a coy manner that was a little unusual for her, but her eyes flickered with hope. A blush creeped upon my features, for she still wanted me to be okay even after I broke her promise and slammed a door in her face by not accepting visitors. She still wanted to be a good sister.

Although I could feel myself getting anxious as we entered the car, I nodded to her, and I earned a smile upon her remarkably gorgeous features. "Conceal, don't feel. Make one wrong move and she will know." I thought, not even noticing that my parents had gotten in the car and that we were driving already.

I meekly gazed at Anna as she rambled about her experiences in the past two months. She told me about her volleyball team winning the championship, how she made a few new friends, including a handsome man apparently named Kristoff, and how they already started dating. I turned away the moment she admitted they were going out, hopefully hiding the pained look on my face. "Sorry, I just wanted to see where we were," I said when she stopped talking. She nodded and continued on, this time I wasn't paying attention though, in fear she might be going on about how her new boyfriend might be "the one" or something.

Although she didn't notice, she could definitely tell something was up whenever I went into my bedroom that had been left untouched, locked the door, and cried myself to sleep the moment we arrived at the house.


	2. A single note

**DISCLAIMER: I DON'T OWN FROZEN**

**AN: This chapter won't be as well written as the last, and I apologize for that, sorry :c**

Snow littered the ground as I sat beside the window in my room. My face had a tired expression as my fingers grazed over the leather of my computer chair. After all, I hadn't been able to sleep all night. It was Christmas Day, and that meant I had to face Anna and Kristoff because he was coming over to meet the family.

It had been a week since I was released from AMSH, and I felt like my parents already wanted to send me back, for I would hear them comment about my isolation and frantic actions when I was social(which was rare). Hearing them talk like this made me nervous, so I resided in my room even more. I didn't want to get questions, just as I didn't when I was in Arendelle Mental Safety Home.

It wasn't my fault I loved her! She was perfect, and after all, opposites attract. I wanted t protect her from a disgusting freak like me, as well. Someone who loved her own naive little sister that just so happened to be three years younger than themselves didn't deserve to even live. 'Oh,shit. You're thinking like that again. Stop it, Elsa!' I thought, looking around in a maniac-like sort of manner.

"Elsa?" I heard a murmur that snapped me out of my thoughts. I whipped myself around to see Anna starting towards me sheepishly. A green of pair of pajama pants and a magenta tank top caressed her figure tightly, making me gape my mouth slightly. She was so beautiful, honestly. I wondered how damn hot it must look under those clothes.

Noticing my blush, I shook my head lightly and brushed my fingers through the hair atop my head, pushing the fibers back. I let out a calm, "Yes?" Before I knew it, Anna pulled me into a tight embrace, grasping my icy blue shirt.

"I'm sorry if I did something wrong," I hear her whisper, and it seemed as if pain was hitched in every syllable. It broke my heart. She pulled away and spread out one of my hands, dropping a small note folded to look like an envelope inside of it. On the front wrote 'Elsa' with a small heart next to it, and on the back you could tell there were marks on the paper from tears.

I could tell Anna was wanting me to open it, so I did, uncovering the note inside. She sat on my bed, looking at me expectantly as I read aloud:

"Dear Elsa,

I love you. Even though I know you don't think so, but you are a great sister. I am not sure why you seem so distant, ever since you graduated you've been stuck in your room, in AMSH, or at college. I want to repair our relationship. I want us to be close, like we were when we were children. I'm begging you, give me a chance. Please don't shut me out anymore. I'll do my best to try and fix whatever is bugging you, I promise.."

"I know that you may be upset at me after reading this, but I think it's worth a shot. Even though you might not accept my offer, you will still know I love you. I love you so, so much, Elsa," I heard Anna say, she was barely audible, but I managed to hear her. I looked up to her, on the verge of tears. I wanted to hold her and tell her I loved her too, more than anything, but I knew we were talking about two different types of love, so I couldn't.

I don't remember how the next minute or so went, we were probably just staring at each other, all I remember is suddenly crying. Anna was beside me, holding me as I cried into her neck. She was making 'shhh' noises, as if trying to comfort me. Guilt was welling up in my chest, for I had caused her, Anna, my beloved sister, so much pain because of my feelings. I was scared to mess up, yes, but that didn't mean I had to shut her out completely like I was.

"I'm sorry," I mumbled once I regained my composure, "I don't deserve someone like you." Once I withdrew from the contact, I noticed Anna was staring at me with confusion. I couldn't explain to her, no, I couldn't explain to anyone. 'I would be disowned by my own sister,' I thought. As I looked down, Anna sighed.

She then stood up, which made me worry that she was about to leave. A hand extended out to me, and I grasped it, Anna helping me up. She didn't let go then, though, she lead me downstairs. She lead me down where I noticed my parents and a young, burly man with golden hair chatting. My heart dropped down to my stomach, but I just went along with the girl. 'That must be Kristoff,' I thought, and one would be able to feel the sourness in my mind if they were to read my mind.

"Kristoff, this is Elsa! Elsa, meet Kristoff," Anna was practically jumping in the air with excitement, and the man just smiled at me.

When he stood, he let out a "Yo," to me. I just smiled politely, obviously disappointing Anna- you could tell by the look on her face- but she didn't say a word. He seemed nice enough, better than her past boyfriends, but I still didn't necessarily enjoy his appearance into Anna's life, much less mine.

Not much happened within the next hour or two. We ate, talked(well, not much from me, but, you know), and opened presents. Anna got a new phone from our parents and I gave her a few movies that she loved, mostly chick flicks and comedies. She hugged me, lightly saying "Thank you."

Later on in the day, when Mother and Father were out, I laid in my bed. Thinking was taking over most of my time, until I heard some noises from the next door room. I got up, very curious as to what was going on in Anna's room. I sat beside the door, ear pressed against it, and I definitely was not prepared for what I heard.


	3. Run Away, Elsa

**DISCLAIMER: I DO NOT OWN FROZEN**

Curled up in a little ball, tears streamed down my face as I laid in the meadow about two blocks away from my house. My phone was vibrating furiously, but I didn't bother checking it until about the fifth phone call from Anna. I didn't answer, though. Anna couldn't hear me like this. She couldn't know how distraught I was over the fact that I had heard her fucking Kristoff. My secret would be known, if she found out.

They wouldn't have known I left if it had not been for the fact that I had gone to my room, grabbed a hat and coat, thrown a glass cup against the wall, and slammed the door on my way out of the house. 'Nice going, Elsa.' I thought, slamming a fist against the snow at the possibility that Anna genuinely _loved _Kristoff came into mind. I wasn't angry with him or her, just upset. I wanted Anna to be happy, of course. That's why I decided then and there to never say a word about my feelings.

Letting out a distraught scream as I cried relieved like less than one percent of my pain, but it still helped. I decided to really read through my phone, which had five missed calls, three texts and six Facebook messages. Out of habit, I went to the Facebook messages first. I knew Anna preferred Facebook over texting, so I guess I just went with that.

My heart once again dropped to my stomach as I read them, for some of the words I could feel Anna's concern. With others, I could feel her fear and confusion.:

_Anna: Elsa?_

_Anna: Elsa, please, answer..._

_Anna: Please, I know you heard us, but please call me so we can explain or something!_

_Anna: Not meaning to seem rude, but why did it upset you so much?_

_Anna: Actually, don't answer that._

_Anna: Elsa...just answer, at least look at these!_

Sighing, I started to type. My fingers darted from one side of the screen to another as I came up with a flimsy excuse as to why I ran off.

_You: I didn't run off because I heard you two fucking, Anna. I just.. I got a message from my high school bullies online, and I got upset. I don't need your explanation. Now, please, just leave me be._

Suddenly, I became aware of truly how cold it was. I needed to head home, but I just curled up, sinking further into the snow. I was extremely happy that I had thought enough to grab a hat as well. I sat up lightly, noticing a bright light dragging it's way closer. It was a vehicle. Obviously Anna and Kristoff, I stood to turn and go the opposite direction, until I heard Anna.

"Elsa!" she screamed, racing towards me. Tightly embracing me, she looked at me straight in the face. I just realized, at that moment, that it was a mistake to reply over Facebook, since I always had my location set on. Her gorgeous eyes stared into mine for a few seconds, until I pulled away.

I was ecstatic and upset at the same time. Ecstatic that she cared enough to come and find me, but upset because she had to see me like this. The tears on my face were now frozen, and I looked like an utter mess with makeup running down my face under the thin layer of ice.

Anna frowned, and then grasped my hand. "Let's go home," she ordered. I just nodded, almost too exhausted to walk to the car.

Once we got home, Kristoff left, he gave Anna a quick thank you and kissed her before he left too. I wasn't the happiest with the kiss, but I just clenched my jaw. Both seemed slightly angry -probably due to the fact that I ruined their night. Pain was injected into me fiercely as I realized this; I ruined Anna's night with my outburst. 'Say something, apologize, at least!' my mind was screaming as Anna continued back to her room.

"Anna? I'm sorry," I said before she managed to leave the room. She turned around, the obvious shock in her eyes. The anger in her eyes had seemed to have faded, her eyes seemed to hold something deeper now. Confusion and worry was it, I could tell. She had given me this look before, multiple times.

"Why?"

"'Why' what?"

"Why do you always seem upset at the way guys- most importantly my boyfriends- look at me? I can't help but ignore the fact you were glaring at Kristoff."

And with that, I stood up and turned, my back facing my sister. I was starting to feel lightheaded, "I need to go rest. I think I got myself sick," I said in a voice barely audible.

Pain was flaring in my heart. She would find out sooner or later, I knew it. I would be disowned by her and my parents, and she would hate me. I would resort to suicide, because she would be the only person I really cared about anymore. With her hating me, that would mean I would have no one to look after anymore. Not that she really thought about that when she attempted in the past.

When I did wake up, I looked to my side to find my small table sitting beside my bed. On it sat a bowl of chicken noodle soup, two or three pills, a bottle of water, and a note. I extended my arm to grab the note first, reading each word carefully:

_Elsa,_

_ I'm always here. I know you aren't feeling well, but, when you get a little better, please, come talk to me. We really need to talk. It's important._

I was reluctant to go to her, but I decided I eventually would. I needed to. I needed to know what was so important that she wanted to speak to me so urgently. 'Before so, though. I will rest a bit,' I thought, curling up in a ball with the note and drifting into a slumber.


End file.
